Yesterday my Grandparents saw their 50th Wedding anniversary. I honestly can not imagine being married for that long. I mean there used to be but at this moment in my life there is not no possible way.
My family is trying to convince me to move back to Oklahoma and, there is no way that is happening. They have to realize that I have to start living my own life and not according to what they want.

I am tired of living for everyone else. I am almost 30 freaking years old and for the last 10 years i've lived according to how my Grandparents and my husband have expected me to live...

Well.............

NO MORE:

BEING THE GOOD CHILD
ALWAYS DOING THE RIGHT THING
BEING NICE
QUIETLY ACCEPTING DEFEAT IN A FIGHT
BEING PASSIVE
HIDING THE REAL ME BY LYING ABOUT WHO I AM
HIDING MY REAL FEELINGS
KEEPING MY OPINIONS TO MYSELF
ALLOWING OTHER PEOPLE DICTATE HOW I THINK


I have allowed all of these things to happen in my daily life for 10 long years and I have lost sight of who I am deep down inside.

WHO I AM:

I AM A DARK PERSON
I LIKE SEX
I AM VERY SENSUAL AND EROTIC
I LIKE TO SMOKE
I LIKE TO DRINK
I PREFER THE NIGHT TO THE DAY
I LOVE ALL THINGS VAMPIRIC
I LOVE HEAVY METAL MUSIC
I AM GOTHIC DEEP DOWN INSIDE
I BELIEVE IN FATE
I BELIEVE WE CREATE OUR OWN HISTORY
I BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
I BELIEVE IN SOUL MATES
I BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE SOMEONE AND NOT BE IN LOVE WITH THEM
I BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE TWO MEN AT THE SAME TIME
I BELIEVE THAT BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE CAN EITHER MAKE US A BETTER PERSON OR ROCK US TO THE CORE WITH DISTRUCTION
I BELIEVE THAT TRUTH IS JUST A POINT OF VIEW
I KNOW THAT IF SOMEONE YOU LOVE LEAVES YOU AND YOU LOOK HARD ENOUGH YOU CAN FIND THEM AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
I WANT CHILDREN
I WANT TO LIVE IN TEXAS AND NOT OKLAHOMA
I WANT TO BE LOVED SO MUCH THAT THE MAN I LOVE WILL NEVER BETRAY ME FOR ANY REASON MUCH LESS SELFISH REASONS.
I LIKE TO BE IN CONTROL
I LIKE POWER
I LIKE TO FEEL POWERFUL
I HAVE ALWAYS HAD AN INTEREST IN WICCA BUT NEVER TRIED TO LIVE BY THE WAYS.
I BELIEVE IN GOD
I BELIEVE THAT I WILL BE PUNISHED FOR THE DECISIONS I'VE MADE BUT THAT THEY ARE MINE TO MAKE AND SO BE THE PUNISHMENT.
I LOVE MY PETS
I LOVE MY COMPUTER~
I DO LOVE MY FAMILY I JUST NEED A BREAK

I came to San Antonio to figure out what i want from life and how I can make life work for me.
I am slowly becoming to realise that all it takes is me standing up for myself.