I tend to be very easily annoyed. I think people are my problem. My therapist says that my expectations of others are too high. I don't dare tell this to my room mates as I honestly don't think that is the case with them. How can you not expect maturity and responsibility out of grown adults?
Is that really too much to ask? I mean is it expecting too much from someone to expect them to clean up after themselves or to contribuite to the household financially?
Is it too much to expect an adult room mate to help keep the common areas of the house clean so that when you have company you don' t have to feel embarrassed about the way your home looks?
Is is too much to ask that when you know rent is due for you to just give me the money and not make me ask for it? If is annoy's you for me to ask for it and it annoys me to have to ask you doesn't it just make sense for you to just give it to me so I don't have to ask???
Geez!! You would think people would want things to be easier!
I know I let these things get to me for no reason some times but I am just sooo tired of being the mature responsible one.
okay I just needed to vent...
~G~
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The new Drama
Yesterday Barb and Sherri got here and things I could tell things were tense and I was not quite sure what was going on. Then today We discovered that Sherri has never healed after the death of her older sister whom her father has repeatedly told Sherri that he wishes wouldn't have died and Sherri should have been the one to die. How fucked up is that??!!!
Sherri says she wants to be with Barb. However, eventhough Barb has repeatedly told her that she must be 100% up front and honest Sherri avoids giving strait answers and seems to be hiding something at all times. This builds mistrust in Barb and Sherri doesn't seem to get this.
I have tried to be mediator which is a usual thing for me.
Today I had my second therapy appointmet and we worked on the anger and control issues. She asked me to become more aware of what it is that triggers my anger and why I feel like I loose control sometimes. She asked what it is that I feel i need to do to be aware of those things.
I really think that having my therapist is going to help me in the long run. I know it helps me to have someone that is totally objective and I don'thave to feel like because they are attached to the drama that they are judging me. I talk to her about all my shit. My trust issues, my anger, control, my sexual issues, and even my friends.
I sometimes feel like such a basket case that I don't know what to do!
Screaming seems to work!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There, all better now! ;)
Well, More later.
~G~
Sherri says she wants to be with Barb. However, eventhough Barb has repeatedly told her that she must be 100% up front and honest Sherri avoids giving strait answers and seems to be hiding something at all times. This builds mistrust in Barb and Sherri doesn't seem to get this.
I have tried to be mediator which is a usual thing for me.
Today I had my second therapy appointmet and we worked on the anger and control issues. She asked me to become more aware of what it is that triggers my anger and why I feel like I loose control sometimes. She asked what it is that I feel i need to do to be aware of those things.
I really think that having my therapist is going to help me in the long run. I know it helps me to have someone that is totally objective and I don'thave to feel like because they are attached to the drama that they are judging me. I talk to her about all my shit. My trust issues, my anger, control, my sexual issues, and even my friends.
I sometimes feel like such a basket case that I don't know what to do!
Screaming seems to work!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There, all better now! ;)
Well, More later.
~G~
Saturday, June 14, 2008
The Test
I feel as though I am being tested. I have been dealing with so many different feelings and emotions in the past 3 days I am drained. The meds don't seem to be helping.
I feel like everyone has been watching me as though they are on suicide watch and they need to hide the sharp objects from me !It is sooooooo annoying! In fact it makes me even more annoyed / crazy when they watch me like they have been.
I've just been told that someone I love is dying ! !! How am I supposed to act???!!! Do they expect me to be all happy and joyful? Amy has lost her mother but never her best friend. James has lost his grandmother but not his best friend. Yes it hurts to loose a parent and a grandparent but those usually are not the people with whom you share your most intimate thoughts and feelings! I love Barbara and I don't want to loose her! yes I was distraught! I'm tired, I'm sad, I'm hurting and I know they are concerned but I just want them to STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!
I feel like everyone has been watching me as though they are on suicide watch and they need to hide the sharp objects from me !It is sooooooo annoying! In fact it makes me even more annoyed / crazy when they watch me like they have been.
I've just been told that someone I love is dying ! !! How am I supposed to act???!!! Do they expect me to be all happy and joyful? Amy has lost her mother but never her best friend. James has lost his grandmother but not his best friend. Yes it hurts to loose a parent and a grandparent but those usually are not the people with whom you share your most intimate thoughts and feelings! I love Barbara and I don't want to loose her! yes I was distraught! I'm tired, I'm sad, I'm hurting and I know they are concerned but I just want them to STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Hanging with My Barb!!
So this last weekend my bestest friend ( yes I said bestest) came to visit me in the sunny paradise of San Antonio!
We hung out at the pool and then went downtown to the Riverwalk and had Margaritas at Rita's on the River!
Those were the best rita's!! We are hoping to make some this weekend here at the house and just hang out. We are having a cookout this Saturday and Hopefully my Barb will get to come back !
She and I used to be room mates backin 1996 we were as close as sisters! I am sooo glad that we are able to spend time together! I really missed being away from her.
We hung out at the pool and then went downtown to the Riverwalk and had Margaritas at Rita's on the River!
Those were the best rita's!! We are hoping to make some this weekend here at the house and just hang out. We are having a cookout this Saturday and Hopefully my Barb will get to come back !
She and I used to be room mates backin 1996 we were as close as sisters! I am sooo glad that we are able to spend time together! I really missed being away from her.
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