Feeling Alone

How can people that live in the same house be so distant? I mean I feel so utterly alone in my own home. Things are no different than they were in Oklahoma when Ernie went to bed I was alone. I hate feeling so alone when I am not. They lock themselves in thier bedroom and completely ignore me. She has done it since he moved here and it drives me crazy. Maybe I really do need therapy. I just know that I feel sooooo lonely and the meds help a little but not alot.

I just know that it is so very hard to face all these feelings on my own and I hate feeling angry and alone. Here lately I've had one friend that still talks to me everyone else seems to have forgotten i exist. Just today I finally talked to D. He has not spoken to me in like a week. I am kinda waiting on him to get his nose out of his stupid videos and talk to me about something meaningful. ......

I don't know maybe I'm starved for attention???!!! I wish I knew what was going on and why I feel so insecure. I don't like feeling like this and I've been praying. I Just know that it is hard to hear God when I feel like I do.

*sigh* I don't know!! I am ready to talk to the therapist, and find out why i'm so neurotic.

~G~

New Doctor.

So I finally got to see my Primary Care Physician this week and i really like her.
She gave me some meds for my sinuses and took X-Ray's of them... that was a first for me.

She also gave me something to help with the depression.... the jury is still out on that one.. the meds make me feel fatigued but not sleepy so I have to take them of a morning and feel tired all day. It also makes it hard to keep one train of thought... My brain kind of bounces around.

Sooo that makes me feel a bit grumpy. I It does not help any that Our AC is not working properly and I am still playing taxi. I know the roomies can't help the fact that thier truck is not running well but they could at least make an effort to save money instead of blowing every dime they bring home.

If it is not going toward bills they are spending it on things they don't really need but anyway...

Dr. Roman... my new PCP... decided that I should find a therapist and I have done so. My first appointment with her in on June 3. I am actually looking forward to finding someone that I can talk to outside of my home.
On top of my own problems my family tends to dump all thier crap on me.....
I have stopped calling when I think my stepfather will answer the phone because he is the worst at it.

Well If I don't close now i'm afraid this may turn into a horrible ramble....

TTFN

~G~

Mothers day was good for me... we went to north Texas to visit my mother in law. Ernie bought me an MP3 player and took me and his mom out to a very nice dinner. We also took his aunt and uncle with us.

We had a great time visiting family we had not seen in a very long time. We got to meet our nephew jonathan graham.

It was a long drive but we enjoyed ourselves.

Love...

Something that I feel we often take for granted is REAL Love. Do we really even KNOW what true love is anymore? I have struggled for the past year wondering where and who God really is.
I don't know why I was allowed to go through this trial but I feel that maybe He is bringing me to a place of greatness in Him.

I have been soooo unsure of myself and I need to get back on the right path! I want LOVE , REAL Love! I don't want to feel like I have not faith ever again. I used to be so sure of who I am. For the last year I have not had much faith at all. I am going back to church and I am going to find away to gain back my relationship with God and my husband.

Ernie is such a wonderful man! he has been so patient and I am so glad that God gave him to me! He is turning out to be exactly what i needed. God always seems to give us exactly what we need even when we don't see it.

~G~