Today I told Ernie I felt like running away. He was wonderful of course and just asked why and wanted to know what else I was feeling. He let me cry and whine and he just held me.
I told him about my confusion towards adopting more children and he told me we should wait. I said wait for what and he said until Holly is in college and we can have some time to ourselves. I told him I didn't feel like God was allowing me to have peace with the adoption and that I really just wanted to sleep again.
Maybe if I just focus on God and my family and my emotional health then God will show me what he has planned for me.
I don't want to stop keeping the girls because I know that if I go back to work in the outside world that I'll get to see my family very little.
Also we have some very mixed emotions about our pastor leaving and us staying but I really don't want to leave so we will probably stay.
All I know at this point is that I have been feeling very ALONE! I don't hear from my close friends much at all anymore and I am feeling very alone. I wish I could just find someone who understands where I'm at and can help me. I don't know...
Well I have alot to do tomorrow and I don't mean to through a pitty party here. So I'll pop off for now.
Please pray for guidance on my part I am very confused!
I need all the prayers I can get! And leave me a comment if you read this...
I'm not even sure anyone actually comes here....
No comments:
Post a Comment